Parenting a child with a disability is a process that takes time to adjust.  Most parents are not at all prepared to be told that “your child is not normal and/or something may be seriously wrong.  Very few of us start out with the kind of skills and coping strategies for raising a child who is different from the “norm”.

The process of adjustment is similar to grieving, and is a course that most parents will travel after being told that their child may have a serious illness or disability.  Fear, anger, confusion, frustration and feeling overwhelmed, are all emotions that parents and have identified and professionals have observed.

It takes time to learn how to be patient with these emotions.  Parents often struggle to find meaning in their situation and it may be a while before they can move on to make new plans and dreams. It is important for parents to know that what they are feeling is very typical for the circumstances.

What complicates the situation is that it can be very difficult for parents is to acknowledge their vulnerability and their emotions.   It is important to encourage parents to realize the impact of how they are feeling so that they can begin to make some sense of what has happened, and to accept the new direction of their family. A family coach or trained support person can assist parents and other family members with converting their emotions into meaningful actions that support healthy relationships and favorable outcomes.

Each family has its own dynamics and each individual will respond or react to a situation differently.  It may be helpful for all members of the family (mom, dad, brothers, sisters, grandparents, in-laws, cousins and even close friends) to complete the following statements:

I was shocked when …                              Worried Mom

I felt guilty when …

It was painful when …

I was confused when …

I felt alone when …

I became angry when …

I was disappointed when …

I was afraid when …

I felt a loss of privacy when …

I was happy when …

I felt relieved when …

I was proud when …

I felt supported when …

The goal of this activity is help family members to take time to think about how they are feeling in certain situations.  The anticipated result is that they will realize how their emotions are affecting their life and their relationships.  This is a valuable starting point for taking steps toward strengthening relationships, accepting their situation and creating new goals and dreams.